The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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