It's like God shit irony all over that family
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
