Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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