talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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