Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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