i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
