You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
