Apparently you make a good broom.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
