When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
