People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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