Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
