She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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