You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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