So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
