ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
