You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
