sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Girls should come with a carfax report
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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