Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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