I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
