I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
