I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
