dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
