i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
