so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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