So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize