Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
