I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
