I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
