how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
