Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
