Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
