so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
