We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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