Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
