...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
