I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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