So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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