Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
