did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize