I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
