The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
