Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You took a bar mat shot.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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