I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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