Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
