Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."

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(847): View more from Illinois

So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?

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(631): View more from New York

It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer

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(716): View more from New York

You can't have your penis and eat it, too.

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table

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(815): View more from Illinois

Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.

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(857): View more from Massachusetts

Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.

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