Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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