ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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