yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
