My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
