just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize