After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
