youre lurking in front of me
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
