actually, I'm a sock model
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How does it feel to date your dad?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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