TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
