Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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