i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My breath smells like gin and sadness
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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