Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
