I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
