i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
