i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Randomize
