I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
