I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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