Don't make out with my wife yet
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
