Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
