And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
handjob tips. give me some.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
